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Filk-A-Thon!

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Greetings and Salivations! Dec. 21st, 2004 @ 02:14 am
dbcooper
Hi there.

I've been performing and writing filk for 15 years, primarily in the Central Florida area, since that's where I live, meaning the commute is shorter.

I enjoy all kinds of music, especially interesting blends. There's something about the synergy of disparate styles coming together in one piece of music that just makes my ears tingle happily.

My own songs tend to be excessively silly, and I write about one original tune to every three parodies. As time goes by, I hope to learn a little more about scoring my compositions, as my tunes are basically all in my head right now. Recording is also in my near future, once my wife and I successfully complete a search for a house.

I'll be posting my very first Christmas carol presently (pun intended). (Actually, it's a crosspost from my own LJ, but I hope you don't mind.)

Anyhow, nice to meet everyone! If you have any questions about me, or anything else for that matter, just ask. I can't guarantee the quality of my answers, but I'll do my best.
Current Mood: amusedMusical
Current Music: "Hats Back On," by, well, me

The Twelve Nights Of Voting. Dec. 20th, 2004 @ 06:49 am
nepheliad
NAME: The 12 Nights Of Voting.
FANDOM: a 2000 United States of America Election Song.
CHALLENGE: Christmas Carol/Holiday Challenge.
AUTHOR: metaphor & ozziethemutt
ORIGINAL SONG: '12 Whats of What,' as titled by ... wait, who said that?
DISCLAIMER: You know. Not mine. Good.

(and here I cut to 12, to save time)
On the 12th night of voting, the networks gave to me,
Twelve voters voting,
eleven lawyers lying,
ten counters counting,
nine judges judging,
eight Vote-O-Matics,
seven ballot boxes,
six exit polls,
five hanging chads!
four legal briefs,
three recounts,
"two" close to call,
and a big yellow Ryder truck.

Nuclear Winter Wonderland Dec. 15th, 2004 @ 11:30 pm
figmo

Nuclear Winter Wonderland


to "Winter Wonderland"


Hello kids -- are you listening
In Kiev, things are glistening
A luminous sight
We're happy tonight
In our Nuclear Winter Wonderland

It began in Chernobyl
But the cloud's going global
We're all feeling fine
We sip iodine
In our Nuclear Winter Wonderland

Oh, Near the meltdown we can build a snowman
We can name him Andre or Mikhail (like the navy!)
Then we'll sit around and watch him glow, man
Until we duck the phosphorescent hail

Lots of folks will expire
As they dance near the fire
The stacks will look neat
Encased in concrete
In our Nuclear Winter Wonderland

La da da, la da da da
La da da, la da da da
La da da da da
La da da da da
La da da da, la da da da dah!

Oh, We'll all go and have bone marrow transplants
Maybe somehow we will all survive
We'll have lots of fun in chemother'py
When we sport growths in 2025!

Gone away is the sun here
Here to stay is the nuclear
We'll play in the snow
We'll laugh and we'll glow
In our Nuclear Winter Wonderland
In our Nuclear Winter Wonderland!

Children Roasting On An Open Fire Dec. 15th, 2004 @ 11:27 pm
figmo

Children Roasting On An Open Fire


to "Christmas Song" by Mel Torme


Children roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your (hmmm....)
Whores named Carol being laid by a fire
Of twenty horny little twits

Everybody knows Wild Turkey in a fifth or two
Helps to get us drunk tonight
Tiny tots with their skins golden brown
Will taste just right to eat tonight

You know that Santa's on his way
He's bringing lots of whips and chains upon his sleigh
And every mother's child is getting high
'Cause that's the only way that reindeer ever fly

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
For kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas...[BLEEP] you!

Dec. 15th, 2004 @ 07:08 am
allah_sulu
ANGRY GRINCH
(To the tune of "Angry Inch" by Steven Trask, from the musical/movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch)

Woken up on the mountain again
That Christmas spirit must be some kind of sin
Now all I want is sleep but I can't win
I am an angry Grinch

Twelve days of Christmas and twelve days of noise
I am a, I am an angry Grinch
Elves making presents for good girls and boys
I am a, I am an angry Grinch

I'm from the land where you still hear the Whos
I had to get out, was sick of their abuse
Moved to a cave and I got hooked on booze
I am an angry Grinch

Twelve days of Christmas and twelve days of noise
I am a, I am an angry Grinch
Elves making presents for good girls and boys
I am a, I am an angry Grinch
Twelve days of Christmas and twelve days of cheer
Santa is coming and I don't want him here
I've got to get out teach these Whos some fear
I am an angry Grinch, angry Grinch

Narrator said I'm a mean one
The Whos all call me nasty heel and no fun
Well now I'm coming, they'd better run
I am an angry Grinch

Twelve days of Christmas and twelve days of noise
I am a, I am an angry Grinch
Elves making presents for good girls and boys
I am a, I am an angry Grinch

Long story short
When they prepare for the celebration
They'll hang stockings down there
They'll hang stockings near the ash above the fire
It's days before Christmas
And already they've all put up a wreath
A few days later
The kids get up
Then the noise
As each and every one goes for their toys
Like the tangler-toober-tee
Or the tip-tingler-tango-tuzz
They'll gather to tables with roast beast sitting on them
And they'll feast on roast beast
And their Who pudding
And then, worst of all
Is when they start to sing!

Twelve days of Christmas and twelve days of cheer
Santa is coming and I don't want him here
I've got to get out teach these Whos some fear
I am an angry Grinch, angry Grinch

Twelve days of Christmas and gifts by the sack
Up in my mountain won't they cut me some slack
I am a Grinch and I'm gonna fight back
I am an angry Grinch, angry Grinch
Other entries
» 'Twas the Call of Cthulhu
I wrote this one a few years ago, based upon "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"


'Twas the Call of Cthulhu, all the stars were right
Every artist was stirring with odd dreams all night
Elder signs were hung at Miskatonic U
In hopes it would save them from Great Cthulhu
The Deep Ones were gathered on the ocean beds
While dreaming of feasting on raw human heads
Our schooner on the South Seas, on her maiden cruise
Had just battened down for a long drunken snooze
When out on the sea the waves started to splatter
I jumped from my bunk to see what was the matter
Away to the porthole I tripped and I fell
I jumped up and looked out and cursed "What the hell!"
The moon on the beach as a new island rose
Gave more light than I wanted; I looked and I froze
When what to my gibbering sight should appear
But an old eldritch city with angles so queer
With a mountain of blubber, green viscuous slime-goo
I knew by some instinct it was Cthulhu!
More rapid than serpents his tentacles came
And we heard in our heads as he called out some names
"Now Wilbur! Young Whately! Lavinia! Yog-Sothoth!
Come minions from Innsmouth and Fungi from Yuggoth!
From Mountains of Madness to this humble blue ball
Now slash away, crash away, smash away all!"
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly
My crew beat a rapid retreat and so did I
Then out of his prison called Great Cthulhu
With plans for all of us that we somehow all knew
And then in a twinkling I saw mankind's fate
All dancing and bowing on his dinner plate
As I ducked down my head and was turning around
From the mongrel ship's engineer came an odd sound
He walked up to a star hanging on this big door
But the angles were all wrong, it might have been floor
A matter of seconds, he ripped off the seal
He had done it so quickly I had no time to squeal
My eyes, how they gibbered! My screaming, so eerie!
Great Cthulhu was loose, what could be more scary?
His bright angry eyes, all his tentacles loose
My first mate disappeared down an angle obtuse
The rest of the crew made it back to the boat
Cthulhu, he followed us as we set afloat
He had great bat wings, the head of a squid
I can't even describe the next few things he did!
He was chubby and plump, head big as a villa
And I knew when I saw him, he'd eat Godzilla
A wink of an eye and a twitch of his head
Grabbed him twelve crewman, all better off dead
He spoke not a word but came straight on fast
And ate all the others and left me for last
Him chewing his dinner, I reversed my ship
And crying a curse rammed his gigantic hip
He burst into a fog and his island went down
But he reformed again before I could turn around
Then I heard him exclaim as he sank out of sight
"This ain't the last time all the stars will be right!"
» Arbitrary 12 whens of what
Twelve Hours In the Airport

On the twelfth hour in the airport, a stranger gave to me:

12 concealed weapons
11 nuclear devices
10 disguised terrorists
9 vials of anthrax
8 sticks of dynamite
7 raw steaks
6 unmarked packages
Indigenous Wildlife (I swear, I have a medical permit for that...)
4 "real" Rolexes
3 litres of vodka
2 kilos of crack
And a present from Ted Kaczynski

Disclaimer: Security guards are paid not to have a sense of humor. If you sing this in an actual airport, I am NOT responsible for what happens.
» TTTO: O, Come Emmanuel
You shall not defeat us, FIGMOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Come, rally the troops! *froths at mouth*

The Great Delivery

O come, O come, O pizza guy,
And bring to us our pizza pie.
We starve in lonely exile here,
With nothing but the root beer.
Rejoice! Rejoice! The pizza has arrived,
Now who will pay the $12.95?
» Rudolph, the EMACS Hacker
Here's one from way back. I wrote the original version of this in 1980 and with only a few minor modifications, it still seems to hold up (scary stuff....).

Rudolph, the EMACS Hacker


(to the tune "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer")


Rudolph, the EMACS hacker
Had a piece of GNU LISP code
And if you ever ran it
It would lighten up your load

All of the other hackers
Used to call his programs names
They never let poor Rudolph
Play any computer games

Then when someone lost their work,
Someone heard them say:
"Rudolph, with your CUSPy hack,
Can you get my edit back?"

Then all the other hackers
Loaded up his library;
Rudolph, the EMACS hacker -
You'll go down in wizardry!
» Carol of the Bagpipes

Carol of the Bagpipes


(to "Carol of the Bells")

[Note: Imagine the other two vocal parts being done by bagpipes to complete the picture.]


Hark how the pipes
Plaid baggy pipes
All seem to say
Blow ears away

Christmas is here [Drone, Drone]
Bringing good cheer [Drone, Drone]
To mine and yours [Drone, Drone]
Play them outdoors [Drone, Drone]

Oh how they swell [Oh!]
Louder than hell [Ow!]
Worse than a snore [Hear the notes]
Take them outdoors [going flat now!]

Pumping the bag [Drone!]
Hear the notes sag [Drone!]
Songs of good cheer [Drone!]
Christmas is here [Drone!]

Merry merry merry merry Christmas!
Merry merry merry merry Christmas!

Hark how the pipes [Drone!]
Plaid baggy pipes
All seem to say
Blow ears away

Christmas is here [Drone, Drone]
Bringing good cheer [Drone, Drone]
To mine and yours [Drone, Drone]
Play them outdoors [Drone, Drone]

Drone, drone, drone, DRONE! [Drone!]
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